hello suffer.

Ok so, my life nowadays wasn’t that great like before. Just yesterday, my life has been hectic. My mom cancelled our plan to go to Penang. I was sad and mad at my mom because I’ve told them about my visit and she suddenly cancels everything. Idk how to explain to them. I was totally fuckin’ sad but I can shed any tears. So, I called him and I told him about it. I burst into tears. Seriously, I sound horrible. That was soooo embarrassing. He said that I cried like lil kids. Then, I told Farah about it and she was sooooo mad about it. She ignored me for the whole day. She said I’m no different than the others. I was sad when she said that. Why? Because I do want to be different than other people for her. I love her more than I love others. Why? Because I know her inside out and vice versa. (: after a short ‘conversation’ with my mom, I locked myself in my room. I only came out when it is necessary. When my dad talks to me, I was like, ignore him and do my stuff. It’s a good thing he didn’t ask what’s wrong with me. If not, I’m afraid I would be shouting or yell at him. I don’t want that to happen. I even had my lunch in my room. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA my mom was mad that I eat in my room but who cares. Pfft… I wasted most of my time locking myself in my room.

Then, last night I called him because I miss him. I was at the toilet when he’s having another ‘hot’ conversation with someone else. When I came back, I was shocked to hear him shouting and yelling outrageously. He freaks me out. Seriously. He’s still mad when we continue our conversation. I tried to talk nicely with him. Try to calm him down but I don’t know where went wrong. When I said something, he will be like, “u jgn buat I bengang bole tak?” I tried to find something to say to him but I was afraid to say it. Why? Because I don’t want him to be even mad than before. So I told him that idk what to say and he said, “kalau taktau nak ckp ape, hang up je”. I was like, “do u mean it?” I was so sad that he could actually say that. And he said yes. I asked him numerous times and he replied the same thing in an angry voice. So, without hesitation, I hang up on him. I decided not to call him anymore unless I’ve something to say to him. Well, even if I want to call him, I’ll try to hold myself. I’ll busy myself with something. It is painful not to hear his voice but what else can I do? He said that himself. He utters the words that I totally didn’t expect from him. The words that hurt me. So, bye. At least my mom would be happy that she won’t see me spending my time having some conversation on the phone.