bye-bye mood.

guess what? my mood just flies away leaving me alone with sadness. sadness doesnt help at all. all it did was borrowing me its mask and let me pretend like i'm fine. yeah, thanks sadness. (: so, he found SGGS's last year school magazine at his cousin's. yeah, i just found out recently that his cousins is actually my schoolmates except that we're in a different years. he text me and asked which class am i when i'm in form 3. i was like, why are u asking? he said that he has found our school magazine and he's looking for me. well i did asked him NOT TO search for me but then, walla! he found it. -.- there are lots of reasons why i dont want him to see me in it. the main reason is because, I LOOK HIDEOUS. then, for sure he'll make fun of it and of course i'm not happy with it. i totally hate that fugly picture. totally. but since he found me, there's nothing i can do. it's not like i or he can turn back the time. i feel like burst into tears. that was so embarrassing!oh well, alright darling, i'll prepare myself with your sarcastic words and jokes about it kay. *sigh* well, which gf/bf want their beloved ones to see them in their baddest condition right? so, i told him not to call me tonight because i know he'll talk and make fun of it. and i'm not in the mood to hear everything he wants to say about it. ok then. byeeeee. btw, i'm still wearing the mask and waiting till midnight comes so that i can let my pillow to absorb my tears and let my eyes get sepet next morning.

ok, just kidding about tears and eyes part. xD

what a great time. (:

well, this is us on RIMUP day. (: i'm the only one weird on that day. xD i was wearing kebaya with pants. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

this one, right after PMR. can't remember the date. lol

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA this fugly picture is from my last day in school (2009). i brought my cute little notebook to school and i think we were watching Liar Game at that moment.

yeah, we still managed to snap a few after that, on the same day. we were on our way to the hall. when we get back to the lab, it was locked and all our stuffs were inside. well yeah, we're kind of panic at that time.

meet my first friend in bangi. ^^ Teera Azhar. this one was taken on our class pasty at Hez's.

YAAAAAAAY!! bye-bye peeps. that's all. malas nak upload banyak2 sebenarnye. xD ok, bye 2010, hello 2011! (:

McD.

semalam aku pegi la jogging dgn umi tersayang and adik aku yg sorg ni. pegi pukul 6 and blk ntah pkul brape. mcm nak dkat pukul 8 pun ada. half way jogging, rasa mcm nak pitam. taktau knape. umi taktau psal tu. i just keep on pacing up with them. then, bile nak bernafas, rasa sakit sgt kat dada and blakang. susah sgt nak breathe. so takpe la. time nak beli breakfast, duduk kjap. bile nak blk, sumpah rasa mcm nak tumbang. mana taknye, jalan pun dah tak betul dgn mata dah berpinar-pinar. mcm nak pitam. duduk jap kat sideway tu. hbs smua org tgk. umi dah mcm, "anis ok tak? nak umi amek kereta ke?". then aku ckp la tak pyh. so, blk tu kteorg tak jogging. we walked. (: smpai rumah mmg dah lembik hbs ahhh. mkn jap pastu terus cari katil. xD ptg tu jogging lagi but this time we went to taman tasik cempaka. yeah, umi ckp ptg kat situ plak. ok fine. dah jog jog jog skali umi ajak pegi mcd. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA penat je jogging. skali telan mcd. pergghhhh terbaik ahhh. xD

aku dah penat ok? dah penat sgt.

ape masalah kau la sial?! aku ade buat pape ke kat kau? ok i admit that it's my fault that my mom cancelled the plan to go back to penang last minute and u deserve to be mad at me. yeah, i know that but have u ever think of my feelings? have you? i cried on that day. i had a fight with my mom. i locked myself in my room. kau ckp kau phm situation aku, feelings aku bile aku ckp aku tak dpt blk. yeah u said that to other people tpi knape nak kne ungkit blk psal bnda tu kat aku? on the same day u told her. ape kau igt penang tu kat seberang jln rumah aku ke? kalau ye, dah lama aku pegi. mmg hari2 aku nanti lepak situ. my mom decides everything. she's the one who's going to drive, duit dia, tenaga dia. aku sape nak suruh dia blk time2 tu jgk. kalau dah dia kata tak jadi, tu tak jadi la. aku dah mntk maaf en? kau nak suruh aku buat ape lagi? melutut dpn kau? sujud dpn kau? cium tapak kaki kau baru kau puas? i've been trying to talk to my mom, asking her every single day about when we're going back to penang. i tried ok and i still am. i even mntk paper spm dari senior kat penang. buat pe susah2 mntk dari org jauh padahal bangi ade je. bkn takde. aku tak knal senior, kwn2 aku smua knal. suruh dorg mntkkan. bukan susah pun en? bile kau buat something kat aku, u said stuff about me, ade aku ungkit? ade aku perli2 smua? takde en? kau nak tacing2, fine tacing la. i always there and play along with u. kau nak perli2 aku, mmg dah slalu pun. u said u dont deserve to be our friend, my friend, then why talked to me in the first place? u said u dont deserve to be in the group, then why joined the group? no one force u to do so. kau ckp kau bdk kmpg la, hina la, buruk la, pathetic la, amende tah lagi. have i ever said that to u? have i? dude, aku pun bdk kmpg kay. i dont buy gucci, prada and all. i dont own one tpi aku takde la smpai menghina diri mcm kau. aku dah penat ahhh pujuk kau. hari2 nak kna pujuk, nak kna perli, nak kna maki dgn kau. aku dah malas. dah penat sgt. sakit kpala aku. sakit sangat. have i ever judge you? i dont give a shit about how u look like, how rich are u, how famous are u or how pathetic u are. i tried my best to be the most reliable person for u. when i told u that i've bought the necklace for u, i told u not to tell the other kan? one of the good reason is because you're my special friend. i give u more attention and priority than the others. and what u do? u told them and now i've to spend 60 bucks to buy for them. mmg aku bnyk duit plak time2 cuti ni nak turun kl semata-mata nak beli bnda tu ja? it's worthless tau tak? worthless. tak guna aku turun kl smata-mata utk bnda tu je. tolong la, you're not the only person who's important to me. i've my love ones too ok? aku tak phm ape yg aku dah buat smpai kau kna layan aku camni. have u ever think about everything i did for u? have u ever consider about my feelings? asyik aku je yg kna jaga perasaan kau. time kau marah, kau lpas geram kat aku. penah aku ckp pape? no. aku pujuk lagi ada. when u have problems, u told me and after that everything that u said will stuck into my head for days and it gives me a major headache. kau ape tau? sbb kau tak penah nak ambik kesah pun. kau cerita masalah kau dgn wani a day before my finals, aku takleh study tau tak lpas tu, takleh focus langsung. asyik fikir psal bnda tu je. yeah u dont ask me to that. mmg kau tak suruh pun aku fikir masalah kau. aku tau tpi sbb kau my top best friend, whatever problems that u told me, i feel what u feel. i think to much and i get myself migraine. kau tau tak psal tu? tak en? aku tak penah bgtau pun en? why? sbb aku tak kesah pun psal tu. i dont mind u fill my head with your stories, your problems, your feelings smua. aku tak kesah dpt migraine bile fikir bnyk2 because i care about u and all i get is this? i guess my boyfriend was right. i dont deserve a friend like u. maybe i'm too good for u. so now u decide what to do. aku dah malas dah. kau nak ckp dgn aku, ok kau ckp. kau nak cerita ape2, cerita la. kau nak bg semak otak aku pun aku tak kesah. kau nak tacing pun tacing la. kau nak maki ke perli ke ape ke, buat la. aku dah tak larat dah. penat sgt. sorry again sbb tak dpt blk penang, bile chatting dgn kau, aku ckp dgn boyfriend aku, bile kau cerita masalah kau kat IM fb, aku tak reply sgt sbb kau asyik on off je, so everything yg aku type mcm karangan tu tak smpai kat kau and all. sorry for everything. aku malas nak gado ngan kau sbnrnye. sbb tu aku telan je smua yg kau ckp. so, kau buat la ape yg kau nak. bye.

we've made up on saturday. (: he apologize and i'm happy to accept it. there's a lot of stuff happened on that day but i wont tell about it. i dont think it's necessary. ok so, we've been together for a month now. wow. how time could pass by so fast. last night he called me before 10.30 pm. he told me not to call him because he's not feeling well. at first, i was like, oh ok. i'm fine with it. but then after a while like half an hour later, i feel the urge to call him but i cant. i miss him so much but i cant call him because he asked me not to. i tried to sleep but i cant close my eyes. idk why. so, i make myself busy but still the urge to call him is still there. at last, he called me at 11.37 pm. :D i was so happy, excited actually. i picked up and i'm glad to hear his voice. he said that he couldnt hold the urge to call me either. he missed me so badly that when he suddenly woke up and he remembered me. he said that he was like hearing my voice inside him. that's what make him call. he's not feeling well and yet he still wants to talk to me. he should have taken a rest. i should have ask him to do so but i cant take myself to tell him that. we talked until i-dont-know-what-time. xD he said that he's exhausted and he needs some sleep. so, after he hung up, i bring myself to bed and have a good night sleep.

hello suffer.

Ok so, my life nowadays wasn’t that great like before. Just yesterday, my life has been hectic. My mom cancelled our plan to go to Penang. I was sad and mad at my mom because I’ve told them about my visit and she suddenly cancels everything. Idk how to explain to them. I was totally fuckin’ sad but I can shed any tears. So, I called him and I told him about it. I burst into tears. Seriously, I sound horrible. That was soooo embarrassing. He said that I cried like lil kids. Then, I told Farah about it and she was sooooo mad about it. She ignored me for the whole day. She said I’m no different than the others. I was sad when she said that. Why? Because I do want to be different than other people for her. I love her more than I love others. Why? Because I know her inside out and vice versa. (: after a short ‘conversation’ with my mom, I locked myself in my room. I only came out when it is necessary. When my dad talks to me, I was like, ignore him and do my stuff. It’s a good thing he didn’t ask what’s wrong with me. If not, I’m afraid I would be shouting or yell at him. I don’t want that to happen. I even had my lunch in my room. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA my mom was mad that I eat in my room but who cares. Pfft… I wasted most of my time locking myself in my room.

Then, last night I called him because I miss him. I was at the toilet when he’s having another ‘hot’ conversation with someone else. When I came back, I was shocked to hear him shouting and yelling outrageously. He freaks me out. Seriously. He’s still mad when we continue our conversation. I tried to talk nicely with him. Try to calm him down but I don’t know where went wrong. When I said something, he will be like, “u jgn buat I bengang bole tak?” I tried to find something to say to him but I was afraid to say it. Why? Because I don’t want him to be even mad than before. So I told him that idk what to say and he said, “kalau taktau nak ckp ape, hang up je”. I was like, “do u mean it?” I was so sad that he could actually say that. And he said yes. I asked him numerous times and he replied the same thing in an angry voice. So, without hesitation, I hang up on him. I decided not to call him anymore unless I’ve something to say to him. Well, even if I want to call him, I’ll try to hold myself. I’ll busy myself with something. It is painful not to hear his voice but what else can I do? He said that himself. He utters the words that I totally didn’t expect from him. The words that hurt me. So, bye. At least my mom would be happy that she won’t see me spending my time having some conversation on the phone.

results.

i went to school just now to get my slip. ok my mom doesnt nag much this time. why? because i only failed one subject. unlike before. hahahaha. ok i really need to push harder next year. seriously. i dont have much to say. so, byeeeeee. :D

got busted.

ok so this evening, i played badminton with my mom. well, the actual plan was we're going for a jog but she changed her mind at the minute. that's one thing i dislike about her. so after we played, i called him. then my mom found out and she was like, "telefon sape tu? sape telefon sape?" and i told her that i'm calling someone from penang. and she was like, "mai umi nak ckp". ok i admit that i didnt panic or what. i gave her the phone and she talked but he didnt reply. hahahahaha lucky. xD then she said, "dia dah letak dah". i put it close to my ear and i found out that he DID NOT hung up yet. -.- and so she asked me to hung up. so i hung up. i called him again just now and he was wondering why i suddenly hung up. i was like, did he heard the conversation between my mom or not? but it's ok. i dont mind at all if he talked to my mom just now. i seriously dont care. (: anyway, my mom had confirm that we're going back to penang this friday. hopefully she didnt change her mind. ok that's all. byeeeeee. :D

sambal belacan.

ok malas nak type in english. nak guna malay plak. :D ok tdi aku tgh buat sambal belacan. bukan aku yg nak mkn. umi yg nak. so, tgh tumbuk sambal belacan tu, skali ada yg TERmasuk dalam mata. pedih siaaaaal! aku pun ape lagi, kelam kabut ahh pegi masuk toilet terus masuk air dlm mata. pedih dia pergghhhhh. rasa mcm ada org korek mata kluar. then dah cuak dah sbb time tu pun dah pkul 12.30 dgn ikan tak goreng lagi, apa pun tak buat lagi. sambal belacan tak siap lagi. takut umi blk pkul 1. pastu pegi kat my dad tnye dia mcm mne nak buat en sbb dah pedih sgt. dia ckp amende tah tpi ade kaitan dgn kucing. dia ckp petua org tua2. haaaa ape lagi. pegi kuar amek london yg time tu tgh tido dgn nyenyaknye. kesian dia. ok then, my dad amek london and sapu kat mata. tpi tak lama lpas tu elok dah la mata. wow. mujarab wwwoooooo. hahahahaha. xD kay la, nak mandi ahhhh... berpeluh peluh. -.- pfftttt... byeeeeeeeee. :D

mummy got FACEBOOOOOOOOK!

ok so, my mom has created an fb account for herself with my help of course. i was talking with him on the phone last night but my mom asked me to stay by her side ALL THE TIME! so sadly, we've to ended our conversation. ): when she went to take a bath, i quickly open mine and private EVERYTHING. i seriously dont want her to add me. it's too risky. my brothers and amalina was like asking my mom to add me. i sent death glares at my brothers so that they would shut the fuck up. i feel like strangle them at that time. luckily my mom didnt at me. well, at the moment of course. there wont be any privacy if she add me. so, i'm hoping that no one would tell my mom about me. she'll kill me for sure. thank you. (: i appreciate your help.

i'm sorry. D:

this noon, i talked to him on the phone and i barely heard what he said even though i tried to concentrated on his voice. he asked something and idk what i said and that makes him hurt. he was hurt because of something i said. so, he hung up. well, i did say sorry but i really am sucks in persuading people. i never good in it because i'm used to people persuading me. well, i'm sorry syg sbb buat u marah. i didnt mean to do it. ): i called him twice and i talked to him but it was a short conversation so i didnt get to say much. so just now, he's online on fb. i wanted to talked to him but idk what to say bcause well, u cant just pretend that nothing happened right? so, i decided to talked to him when suddenly he went offline. i was totally broken heart. then, he online back! :D YATTA! so, i talked to him. (: chatting with him right now. ok byeee.

physics.

ok so, today we're having physics. it was awesome. i never knew that physics could be that easy. answering essay questions was like doing standard 6 english paper. well, that's after the teacher guided us about how to answer it. no wonder my boyfie love physics so much. (: so anyway, this evening when we're having physics, i was the first to arrived. well, i dont expect that to be because i thought i was late. then, amalina came in and she was like, "weh asl panas sgt?" then, she went out and she asked one of the people in charge to decrease the temperature. then, like less than half an hour later, the room started to feel like being in a refrigerator. it was so cold. or physics teacher was like, "sejuknye. awak semua tak sejuk? ke saya sorg je yg rasa?". amalina starts to giggle and i was holding my laughter. it was funny. i was freezing till i get home. -.- so, i decided to make myself a hot drink. so now i'm feeling better. (: so, the conclusion here is, physics ain't that bad. it just that, we've set our mind and say that physics was so damn hard and we hate it, that's why we never score higher than what we expected.

Perfect Two - Auburn

listening to Perfect Two by Auburn and this song reminds me of him. (: i'm going to let him listen to this song. hopefully he loves it. i really want him to know this song. ok now everyone know who is my boyfriend. oh well. i dont mind as long as you guys leave us alone. :D

iloveyou,
SHAIKH UQHAILI ASH-QHALANI. :3